We are all broken people from a broken background to one degree or another.
Growing up I was very sickly and fearful and for good reason. Because I suffered from asthma I was not allowed to do certain things that would irritate this condition.
So sports for me at a young age was pretty much off the table. As a result I never really made many friends and became the one that got picked on all the time by the jocks. Humiliated and embarrassed I tried the best I knew to putt along. I was afraid to go to school for fear that someone would pick on me. Finally in 7th grade I walked out of class and ran home vowing never to return.
My parents moved me to a public school and everything changed. I tried out for the wrestling team and from there my life took on a new direction. I returned to my old school one year in December when they were celebrating their annual Christmas bazaar.
There standing over by a table with pastries and cakes representing the season to be jolly was one of my old nemesis. He made the mistake of thinking he could bully me again in front of about 400 people. Things did not fare well for him this time as I picked him up into a fireman's carriage and slammed him down on to the table destroying him and all the holiday cakes. Before I knew it several grown men started to approach me to restrain me. That didn't go well for them either. This is not the way you should handle things when you are offended. I was young and had an ax to grind. My poor nemesis paid that night for all the years of abuse that were heaped upon me.
No matter where you live or who you are sooner or later someone is going to offend you. Jesus knew this and he prepared his disciples so that when, not if, but when they were offended they would know how to respond in a godly manner.
Luke 17:1 Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
This verse tells us that there is nothing you can do about it. This is a promise of God and that promise is that "offenses will come".
BBE Ecclesiastes 7:20 There is no man on earth of such righteousness that he does good and is free from sin all his days.
Sooner or later everyone has a bad day, it's just a matter of time. We all make mistakes.
James 3:2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
We may not set out to offend anyone but we are all human. Sometimes we are not even aware that we stepped on someone's feet.
Jesus Christ knew that we would encounter offenses and he teaches us how to deal with offenses. For the most part people rub you the wrong way by their words, or the things that they do.
Back to James 3:2 we read "if any offend not in word".
We should always endeavor watch our tongue and speak the truth in love. However when we slip we should handle it the word's way.
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
There is no greater doctrine on handling offences that I know of than this. When it happens, go and talk to the person and here its talking about a brother and in our administration that's equivalent to a brother in Christ a fellow believer. This is how you keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
The word "endeavoring" means to act quickly and exert a diligent effort. The longer you wait the longer the devil will have to convince you to act otherwise.A referee calls the foul the moment it occurs. Likewise we need to handle an offense ASAP.
Verse15 also informs us that we are to do this in private, alone.
Hardly anyone follows the words of Jesus here in Matthew. You know what most people do? They go to everyone else and tell their side of the offence to them, their side of the story; and 110 percent of the time their side makes them out to be the innocent victim who is without sin.
The Bible has a word for this type of behavior. It's called gossip. Spin it any way you like, but in God's eyes it's gossip, and it's sin.
ESV Proverbs 25:9 Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret,
When you bypass the words of Jesus and start talking about your offender you're looking for trouble.
Proverbs 26:22 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
This is how you should respond to gossip. Ask the person if they went to their offender alone. If they have not, encourage them to do the word and go to their offender ALONE and talk it out. If they will not comply and continue to gossip the bible tells us what to do in that case.
BBE Proverbs 20:19 He who goes about talking of the business of others gives away secrets: so have nothing to do with him whose lips are open wide.
Tell them if they don't stop you are going to leave. If believers would do this, there would be much less fighting and division in the body of Christ.
Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
The temptation will always be there to render evil for evil. However, a mature believer will choose God's will not theirs.
NIB Proverbs 19:11 A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Sometimes people will just rub us the wrong way. We don't need to take offence to every word that people speak.
NIB Proverbs 20:3 It is to a man's honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Matthew 18:15-17 15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
This is the way you handle offenses. A little later in verse 21 Peter comes to Jesus Christ and asks the million dollar question.
Matthew 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus give the answer in the next verse.
Matthew 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Scholars debate the actual meaning of seventy times seven but one thing is certain. Jesus told Peter never stop forgiving. We live in a crooked and perverse world and in order to stay in fellowship we need to forgive all and forgive quickly. The longer you torture yourself by replaying the offence over and over again the deeper it will sink into your heart. Once this seed takes root you will have a very hard time overcoming it.
Hebrews 12:14-15 14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Luke 17:3-4 3Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
If we are going to endeavor to keep the unity in the bond of peace we need to be gracious forgivers. In closing understand we can all stand to learn many things about true forgiveness.
John 8:7b He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
No one is perfect we all offend often. Let me tell you a story about a porcupine. Porcupines keep their distance because if they get to close to each other their quills will prick each other. As summer comes to an end and fall begins the weather changes. In certain parts of the world it gets down right brutal. Snow, hail, sleet, and the like. In order for the porcupine family to exist they need to huddle close to each other and share their body heat. They figured out that it's better to put up with a little discomfort from one another's quills then to freeze.
We can learn a lesson from the porcupines about working together for the greater good. Learn how to forgive all and learn how to forgive quickly.